


You take the colours away from you

by smaragdbird



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Finn is trying to be a good boyfriend, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Kaydel Ko Connix/Rose Tico, Misunderstandings, POV Poe Dameron, Poe is Jealous, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, TROS-compliant, so many misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28057617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: Just before they leave for the mission to find the Sith Wayfinder, Poe overhears someone mention Finn's boyfriend.Poe didn't know Finn had a boyfriend. He had also hoped that maybe, Finn would like to date him, but he will try to be happy for Finn.That might be harder than Poe had imagined.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85
Collections: Mistletoe Exchange 2020





	You take the colours away from you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sultrybutdamaged](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sultrybutdamaged/gifts).



“…Finn’s boyfriend.”

The words made Poe stop dead in his tracks. He hadn’t meant to listen in on anyone’s conversation but of course on a mostly open-air base such as Ajan Kloss, it was inevitable.

What he did manage was to restrain himself instead of marching up to the speaker and demand that she told him who Finn’s boyfriend was.

Ever since their mission on Corellia where Finn had made clear that he was dating neither Rose nor Rey Poe had harboured certain hopes that maybe, perhaps, Finn would want to date him. They had grown very close over the past few months but nothing had happened so far and Poe was more than content to wait for Finn to make the first move. Sure, Finn liked to be close to him, including holding hands but Finn was a tactile guy, not just with Poe but also with Rey and Rose and Chewbacca and pretty much anyone he liked. And perhaps to other people, him and Finn sharing a bed would seem meaningful but Finn had mentioned early on that he had never slept alone and Poe wanted him to be comfortable. They also spent most of their time together, or rather Poe spent most of his free time with Finn, but more often than not they were on separate missions, playing to their respective strengths.

And now it seemed like Finn had found a boyfriend that he hadn’t told Poe about. 

That hurt. Not just that Finn had a boyfriend who was not Poe, because despite their quick connection and easy friendship Poe knew there was no guarantee Finn would view him as a potential romantic partner, no what hurt the most was that Finn hadn’t told him.

Boyfriend. That was something serious, not just a date, but a proper relationship. It hurt to think that Finn hadn’t felt he could tell Poe about his boyfriend. Had Poe been too obvious in his interest in Finn, making him uncomfortable? He must have because if Finn simply wanted to keep his relationship private then how come some random crew technician knew about it?

He wondered who it was. Finn was a very handsome man, quick to make friends, brave, funny, caring, clever...he had a well-deserved share of admirers. Perhaps it was Charth. He and Finn had become fast friends after the mission on Corellia, and not only were Twi’leks famous for their beauty, Finn had told Poe once that Charth was his first non-human friend. Or maybe it was Monti Calay. He was a First Order Defector just like Finn. He had risked his life to give the Resistance valuable information and he had been undecided about joining up at first, just like Finn. He could understand Finn’s situation better than Poe could ever hope to.

And even if it was neither of them, Finn had clearly made his choice and that choice had not been Poe. The best he could do now was to keep his feelings at bay and repair his friendship with Finn so that maybe one day Finn would feel comfortable enough around him to tell him who his boyfriend was.

Poe rubbed a hand over his face. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t good at keeping his emotions secret at the best of times and now with Palpatine’s threat hanging over them…

He’d have to try, he resolved. For Finn. For their friendship.

/

The celebrations lasted long into the night. The war wasn’t over yet, there were remnants of the First Order they needed to mop up, but not tonight.

After his reunion with Finn and Rey, Poe had made himself scarce just like Leia would have done. No one liked to party with their boss hanging around and for better or worse he was now in charge.

Together with Finn.

Finn.

Poe sighed and leaned back in his chair, kicking his feet up on a console. The command centre was empty, no one to witness his lapse in manners.

Perhaps he had been a little less able to keep his unbridled jealousy contained during the mission than he had planned to. Especially when Finn had wanted to tell Rey something important but not him. 

When they had been about to be shot, Poe had almost said something. Had almost told Finn that he loved him. Thank the stars that he hadn’t because he had made this mission awkward enough already. He had been so jealous of Rey and that Finn would tell her, but not him. He had been jealous of Finn’s boyfriend, too, whoever he was. And he had been hurt and angry with Finn, too. 

Tomorrow he would apologise to Finn and then find some kind of mission far away from him until his feelings had cooled down. Maybe he could chart the Unknown Regions while he was at it because Poe was certain that would be shorter compared to waiting for his feelings for Finn to evaporate.

Someone was coming down the stairs and Poe quickly took his feet off the console. He was a general of the Resistance and should probably behave like one.

To his surprise it was Finn who appeared in the command centre. Poe would’ve thought that Finn would prefer to spent the evening with his boyfriend. Unless…

He desperately hoped that Finn’s boyfriend hadn’t died in the battle over Exegol. As jealous as he was, Poe wanted nothing more than for Finn to be happy even if Finn had found that happiness with someone else.

“So here’s where you’re hiding”, Finn said, leaning against the console. “Party’s happening upstairs, you know?”

“I know.” Finn didn’t look unhappy, Poe thought, but then again Finn had successfully hidden the existence of his boyfriend from him. He couldn’t read Finn as well as he had thought.

“What are you doing down here?”

“Just thinking.”

“Well, come on, we can plan the assault on the First Order remnants tomorrow. Tonight we should get drunk like we just saved the galaxy. Which was Suralinda’s toast by the way.”

Maybe Finn wanted to introduce him to his boyfriend. The thought turned Poe’s stomach upside down. 

“Are you okay?” Finn asked when Poe didn’t reply. “I told you to go to med bay with your arm. Why did Karkan give us all that bacta if we don’t use it?”

Karkan, here was another guy Poe hadn’t considered who could be Finn’s boyfriend. Finn loved cats so dating a guy who shared some cat-like traits like purring and fur, should be a plus and who was on top of that a brave fighter who loved children, had the honour to keep his word and the backbone to stand against the First Order. 

“I’m fine”, Poe tried to brush him off. “You should go back to the party.”

“You don’t look fine.” Finn crossed his arms. “Talk to me.”

It was so tempting to throw out “Like you talk to me?” but Poe was trying to be a better man.

“Finn –” he took a deep breath, “I’m sorry. Whatever it was you wanted to tell Rey, it was none of my business. I shouldn’t have pushed you and I apologise.”

Finn frowned. “Not that I don’t appreciate your apology, but…” he shook his head, then grabbed a chair and sat down facing Poe. “Look, I wanted to tell Rey first because of what she was going through. I wanted to show her that she wasn’t alone in this. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you.”

Poe nodded as if he understood when in truth, he didn’t understand anything. How was Finn’s boyfriend related to Rey’s struggle with her dark side? “You don’t have to tell me, Finn. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable sharing.”

Inexplicably, Finn looked as if he was trying very hard not to smile. “I was maybe a little bit amused by your constant jealousy but I wasn’t any better. I was pushing you about your past when it was clear you didn’t want to talk about it either. Although I cannot believe you were a spice runner.”

Finn’s admission that he had picked up on Poe’s feelings and had toyed with them, even if just a little, for his own amusement, felt like a fist to the gut. 

“Teenage mistakes, you know”, Poe said numbly. He had to get out of here. 

“Not really”, Finn chuckled.

“Hey.” Poe almost flinched when Finn rested his hand on Poe’s uninjured arm. “Are you sure you don’t want to go the infirmary?”

“I’m fine”, Poe said, stand up abruptly, Finn’s hand sliding from his arm. “I’ll see you later.”

Behind him Finn groaned and suddenly he was besides Poe again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to remind you of Kijimi. I know Zorii and Babu made it out but you must have had other friends there and I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

Finn looked so beautifully earnest that it almost broke Poe. Somehow Finn had spent his entire life being raised by the First Order and had escaped them without retaining a single piece of their malice. 

“Thank you”, Poe managed to brave a smile, “I appreciate it. Good night, Finn.”

“Good night”, Finn replied, even though he looked a little disappointed. 

Nothing his boyfriend couldn’t help with, Poe was certain.

/

He didn’t return to their room that night. Partly because he didn’t want to know if Finn had spent the night elsewhere or not and partly because he wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t just blurt out all his feelings if he spent any longer in Finn’s company.

Instead Poe had found a cargo container and had curled up on a palette of canned food before crying his heart out. His grief had been so self-centred around his unrequited feelings for Finn that by morning he felt ashamed. Many of the people he had led to Exegol had died, Snaps among them. Where was his grief for them?

In the early morning light, the events of last night looked both less dramatic and so much more embarrassing. Plus his body felt stiff from the uncomfortable position he had eventually fallen asleep in, his arm hurt even worse and he had to look like a mess and not like one of the Resistance’s leaders.

Poe snuck into the nearest fresher where the mirror confirmed his worst fears. He splashed water on his face and pinched his cheeks to make himself look more alive, although that wouldn’t help with his clothes.

Perhaps he could pass it up as a hangover. Leia wouldn’t have, but as Finn had told him on Kef Bir, he wasn’t Leia. Never would be.

He had to make an effort though, so Poe walked back to their room. Finn wasn’t there and it didn’t look like he had been there last night either. Giving himself a sharp reminder that crying didn’t help, Poe washed and changed his clothes before going to find Wedge Antilles and Norra Wexley. Kare, he had talked to yesterday, as if words could make up for the fact that she had lost the man she had loved. Had wanted to settle down with.

Fleetingly, he wondered if Finn and his boyfriend wanted to settle down. Probably. If anyone deserved a life away from war and fighting it was Finn.

Talking to Wedge and Norra was hard but this wasn’t the first time Poe had to give condolences to the family of one of his fellow pilots. It wasn’t one of the things that got easier with repetition, though. 

Poe wanted to hold a memorial for their fallen before continuing with the campaign and he said as much to Wedge and Norra. They both nodded and Poe took his leave, sensing that they wanted to be alone with their grief.

On his way back to the command centre, he more or less literally stumbled over Rose and Kaydel.

“Morning Poe”, Rose said, waving with one hand while the other one was holding Kaydel’s. 

“Morning”, he replied, nodding at them both. In some ways it was encouraging to see them. If Rose could recover from her crush on Finn and fall in love with someone else, perhaps so could he.

“Are you going to watch them, too”? Rose asked, looking way too excited for the early hour.

“Watch who?”

“Rey is teaching Finn and Jannah about the Force”, Kaydel explained, giving Rose a fond look. “Floating rocks, levitating, that kind of thing.”

“Wait. Finn is Force-sensitive?” Poe asked, his mind whirling. Was that what Finn had tried to tell him about last night? And was that what he had wanted to tell Rey first?

“You didn’t know?” Rose asked back.

“No.”

Rose made a surprised noise in the back of her throat. “I would’ve thought Finn would tell his boyfriend first.”

Poe felt as if someone had pulled the earth out beneath his feet.

“You guys are still together, right?” Rose asked worriedly when she saw Poe’s face. “Finn looked a little unhappy last night but that wasn’t because you broke up, was it?”

“Who told you I’m Finn’s boyfriend?” Poe managed to ask.

“Finn”, Rose said as if that should be self-evident.

“You look a little pale”, Kaydel said. “Maybe you should sit down somewhere.”

Poe nodded. He wandered back to their room as if in a haze, barely acknowledging anyone he passed. 

Finn had told Rose Poe was his boyfriend. 

Finn was Force-sensitive.

Finn had told Rose…

Poe started to pace the room, trying to bring any sense to his thoughts. Why would Finn have told Rose such a thing? It wasn’t true. But why would Rose tell him unless she thought it was the truth? Could she have imagined it? She and he were both exposed to that mind-control device on Minfar, what if it had done something to her memories? Or his? What if he had forgotten that Finn was his boyfriend? But no, the mind-control device had been purely for the Zixon or else Poe would’ve ended up in the hands of Commander Spiftz. However, if neither he nor Rose had their minds tampered with, why would she claim that Finn told her Poe was his boyfriend? Was it a joke? That’d be too cruel for either Finn or Rose. But what else could it be?

Poe was still turning these thoughts over and over in his head when Finn returned. He looked as if he had been though a physically demanding but rewarding training session, sweat glistening on his skin, a light in his eyes and a smile on his lips.

“Hey”, his smile brightened when he saw Poe. “Did you sleep well?”

“Rose says you told her I’m your boyfriend”, Poe blurted out.

“Look, I don’t care what you say, we’re going to the infirmary”, Finn frowned and took a step towards Poe, hand outstretched as if to grab him and bodily haul him there if Poe resisted.

Poe retreated. “Why would you tell her that?”

“Because it’s true?” Finn’s frown got even deeper, but instead of cornering Poe further he stood still and turned his hand palm up. “You’re worrying me, Poe.”

“Since when?” Poe felt as if he was on the edge of hyperventilating and took a few measured breaths before repeating, “Since when are we together?”

“Since we came back from Corellia”, Finn’s voice softened. “Is that why you were so jealous of Rey the last few days?”

“I overheard someone mentioning your boyfriend and I thought it was someone else and that I made you uncomfortable with my feelings for you and that’s why you hadn’t told me about him.” Poe took Finn’s hand and let him pull him close. Finn’s other hand grabbed the back of Poe’s neck, giving him a warm smile.

“We’ll go to Kalonia and get you checked out. Who knows what else you’ve forgotten?”

“Our first kiss”, Poe said, glancing down at Finn’s mouth. How had he managed to forget only the details of his relationship with Finn? Why not something else? Or had he and just didn’t know about it either?

“We didn’t have one.”

Poe blinked. “What?”

“I thought you were uncomfortable with that, so I never pushed for it.”

“I’m okay with kissing”, Poe replied. He got the feeling that they were both missing something, not just him.

“Oh, good, not that not kissing was bad. I never really kissed anyone before Rose kissed me, so…” Finn trailed off with an embarrassed little shrug.

“Finn, after Corellia, what made you think we’re dating?” Poe asked because he had the mounting feeling that this entire situation had been a colossal misunderstanding from both sides.

“What do you mean what made me think we’re dating since Corellia?” Finn asked, his hand sliding from Poe’s neck. “We’ve been sleeping together!”

“Because you said you weren’t used to sleeping alone”, Poe replied. There was a strange, light feeling bubbling in his chest. 

“Sleeping in the same room, Poe. If I had been caught sleeping in the same bed as one of my fellow soldiers, that would’ve earned me a reconditioning quicker than you can say Hux’ name.”

Their eyes met and Poe couldn’t help himself, he started laughing.

A second or so later, Finn joined in. 

They clung to each other; Poe felt tears prickled at his eyes from laughing too hard while Finn rested his forehead against Poe’s shoulder for a moment before a fresh wave of laughter overcame him.

Eight months. The mission to Corellia had been eight standard months ago.

“We are never, ever telling anyone the truth about this!” Poe declared, grinning from ear to ear.

“I can’t believe you thought I was platonically cuddling you every night for nearly a year!” Finn said. “Or platonically holding your hand.”

“You do that with Rey”, Poe pointed out. 

“I don’t do this with Rey”, Finn replied, holding Poe’s gaze as he lifted their joined hands and pressed a kiss to Poe’s knuckles.

It was more than enough to send Poe’s heart racing and he had to clear his throat before he said, “You didn’t do it with me, either.”

“Because I thought you didn’t like kissing.”

“Exactly. Who just assumes that?”

“I’ve never seen you kiss anyone as long as I’ve known you.”

“Okay, fair.” Poe acknowledged. “But only because the only person I wanted to kiss since I met you was you.”

“Since you met me?” A sly look appeared on Finn’s face. It was enticing as kriff.

“In another universe I would’ve happily made out with you in that supply closet you dragged me into when you rescued me.” It was the truth, too, though maybe the realisation had been retroactive considering that Poe had had been tortured for two days straight when he and Finn had first met. 

“You’re ridiculous”, Finn said and bumped his forehead affectionately against Poe’s.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They grinned at each other, not unlike the moment Finn had declared he’d rescue Poe from the First Order a year ago.

“Poe?”

“Yes?”

“Before I drag you to the infirmary because Kalonia does need to take a look at your arm, no matter what you say, please kiss me.”

Poe did.


End file.
